say my name...

in preparation for doing some marriage counseling with a couple i was reading up on some ideas regarding communication, one of the key elements of a strong relationship.

walter wangerin, jr. offers this interesting reflection on speaking someones name:

"And name this listener. I've observed that people speak and repeat the names of their pets more than they do the names of their spouses. Where dogs are concerned, they know the value of the sound alone. Where spouses are concerned, they seem ignorant that the name, the very pronunciation of it, carries gentle force and affection. There is a deep, primitive response to the mere syllables of one's own name..."Dear", and "darling" and "honey" are not bad titles. But in time they are freighted with a host of other connotations. Speak her name. It's the most personal, most meaningful way we have of saying, "You".

(as for me and my house)

of course i think this translates outside of the marriage too. i think speaking someones name affirms their presence, gives them substance (how often do we acknowledge our waitress or barista by their names?) speaking their name says "I notice you, am aware of your value. You're not simply here to fulfill my need to be heard." it's harder to judge, be annoyed with, dismiss someone when you speak their name.

so say someones name. make this big, chaotic world a little smaller, a little warmer and kinder.