it's been a couple of weeks now...
the outpouring of support, prayers, memories that we received as a family were pieces of God's grace and brought us some healing.
but the days continue to be long, confusing, sometimes with a fleeting moment of peace. grief is a messy business. it's not "stages" of grief, it's a maddening pinball game of emotions.
mike and i grew to understand the importance of story. God's story, the beauty and brokenness of our own stories. inviting others to know, own their stories. we believed in knowing your story, giving voice to it is where you would find redemption and hope.
but everyday since i've lost mike i keep thinking i don't want this to be a part of my story. it doesn't fit. it's so foreign and unknown...his absence still is absurd.
many people still ask "how are you doing?" i need to find a new vocabulary to answer such questions. these days i can't afford to offer polite and superficial answers. only honesty. cause as the quote for this blog says "there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story"
so i'm going to try and step into it, my story.
the outpouring of support, prayers, memories that we received as a family were pieces of God's grace and brought us some healing.
but the days continue to be long, confusing, sometimes with a fleeting moment of peace. grief is a messy business. it's not "stages" of grief, it's a maddening pinball game of emotions.
mike and i grew to understand the importance of story. God's story, the beauty and brokenness of our own stories. inviting others to know, own their stories. we believed in knowing your story, giving voice to it is where you would find redemption and hope.
but everyday since i've lost mike i keep thinking i don't want this to be a part of my story. it doesn't fit. it's so foreign and unknown...his absence still is absurd.
many people still ask "how are you doing?" i need to find a new vocabulary to answer such questions. these days i can't afford to offer polite and superficial answers. only honesty. cause as the quote for this blog says "there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story"
so i'm going to try and step into it, my story.
12 comments:
My dear friend, it's so good to hear your heart. Thank you for posting on your blog. I don't want this to be part of your story either. I want to rip this chapter out and shred it to pieces. It can't possibly be written this way; it doesn't make any sense! But I don't get to write your story. I do want to walk with you during this chapter though. I look forward to sharing a meal with you soon. Love you, Kelly.
ah friend. your eloquence is beautiful, and it doesn't seem right in such a context.
i think of you every day. i can't imagine what your days are like. long, i imagine.
i love you much much much.
Kelly,
I continue to pray for you all the time. Thank you for sharing your story with us even when it is unimagionably hard. You are an inspiration to me.
May God give you exactly what you need at this moment!
Lifting you in prayer,
Katie De Vries
Oh, how I wish I could snap my fingers and make the agony go away for a moment.... for a day.... for a lifetime. I love you, Kelly. Continuing to lift you up in my prayers.....
(((((HUGS!!!)))))
Thank you for sharing your thoughts...you continue to be in all of ours daily...
Dear Kelly . . . God has pasted you to my heart. There is literally not an hour that goes by each day that I do not think of you and thus pray for you. I can't begin to imagine this foreign in which to which you have been kidnapped. It is a little comfort that God has gone before, is with you now, and will follow behind. I am praying that you physically feel his nearness when you need it most. Also, thank you for being willing to write it down . . . a gift. All blessings and comfort, Kirsten
i will walk through this story with you, friend. i just wish i could bear some of your grief.
love, love, love you.
Kelly,
You don't know me but ever since I heard what happened the Lord has placed you on my heart. I am praying for you and longing for the time when heaven really does come to earth and suffering of this kind will cease to exist.
I send love in Christ to you and pray that God will hold you close in this desperate hour.
Rose Petrowski
Dear Kelly,
We are friends of Mike and Debbie. Our family has been praying for you since we heard the shocking news. We are so very sorry you must travel this path. We have know God's faithfulness in our own grief. We are part of the community of Christ bearing this burden with you and your family.
At the Winter Feeder
His feather flame doused dull
by ice and cold,
the cardinal hunched
into the rough, green feeder
but ate no seed.
Through binoculars I saw
festered and useless
his beak, broken
at the root.
Then two: one blazing, one gray,
rode the swirling weather
into my vision
and lighted at his side...
Unhurried, as if possessing
the patience of God,
they cracked sunflowers
and fed him
beak to wounded beak
choice meats.
Each morning and afternoon
the winter long,
that odd triumvirate,
that trinity of need,
returned and ate
their sacrament
of broken seed."
(John Leax)
Dear Kelly, I knew Mike only a bit while at Cornerstone, but when I heard from a friend of your loss, I couldn't help but send a note of sympathy. His smile and friendly kindness is what I remember most about Mike. So many people are thinking of you, praying for you to God the greatest Comforter, and wishing you strength and support in the coming months.
My dear Kelly.... I wish I could take all your pain.... I believe that through this you are helping so many out there to see our hearts as well as yours. Just know that you are loved and we will always be here for you.. Thank you for a piece of your story.. and "our" story as well..
Love you, MOM P
Wow, I've been getting teary eyed reading through your entries about your loss. I can TOTALLY relate to the "how are you?" question all too well and needing new adjectives. You are a beautiful writer Kelly! Here's a virtual hug!
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