I'm struck by how the days seems to be both skipping by and creeping along...November seemed like it would never come around. Not that I was looking forward to time moving along, to winter encompassing us here in Michigan.
But there was one event that held some anticipation. Mike's brother Adam's wedding.
I didn't have to think long about whether I wanted to attend the event. Everyone was very supportive on whatever I decided. But I couldn't imagine not witnessing the sacred moment of Adam and Raquel committing their hearts to each other and God. Mike and I were so looking forward to this trip to Southern Cali. It would be our first time to Adam's home for the past four years, and Adam was one of Mike's best friends. We only had met Raquel once but we immediately adored her tender and sweet spirit. Adam and Mike had shared several phone conversations as Adam processed all of the joys and questions that relationships bring. Mike loved journeying with Adam as he developed his relationship with Raquel.
Knowing that Mike wouldn't be present with us, with Adam on his wedding day certainly evoked "it's not fair". When I wonder (and sometimes rage) about the timing of Mike's death, I hate that it happened just short of Adam and Raquel's celebration.
But I was grateful to be with the Powers' for the weekend celebration...We flew out Thursday to Southern California (or So Cal as the locals say) We were immediately seduced by the perfect weather, but turned off by the hideous traffic. I got to share a room with my sis-in-law Kelly and we were partners-in-crime the whole weekend! I just adore her and love how we can laugh and cry with each other.
Adam and Raquel reflected a beautiful spirit about what marriage is really about. God, community, love, grace. And it was so good to experience Adam and Raquel's community...They are generous and authentic people.
But there was one event that held some anticipation. Mike's brother Adam's wedding.
I didn't have to think long about whether I wanted to attend the event. Everyone was very supportive on whatever I decided. But I couldn't imagine not witnessing the sacred moment of Adam and Raquel committing their hearts to each other and God. Mike and I were so looking forward to this trip to Southern Cali. It would be our first time to Adam's home for the past four years, and Adam was one of Mike's best friends. We only had met Raquel once but we immediately adored her tender and sweet spirit. Adam and Mike had shared several phone conversations as Adam processed all of the joys and questions that relationships bring. Mike loved journeying with Adam as he developed his relationship with Raquel.
Knowing that Mike wouldn't be present with us, with Adam on his wedding day certainly evoked "it's not fair". When I wonder (and sometimes rage) about the timing of Mike's death, I hate that it happened just short of Adam and Raquel's celebration.
But I was grateful to be with the Powers' for the weekend celebration...We flew out Thursday to Southern California (or So Cal as the locals say) We were immediately seduced by the perfect weather, but turned off by the hideous traffic. I got to share a room with my sis-in-law Kelly and we were partners-in-crime the whole weekend! I just adore her and love how we can laugh and cry with each other.
Adam and Raquel reflected a beautiful spirit about what marriage is really about. God, community, love, grace. And it was so good to experience Adam and Raquel's community...They are generous and authentic people.
Of course I felt the ache of Mike's absence. It was the first major social experience that I had to navigate without him. I felt clumsy and out of place, as though I didn't know what to do with my hands. I kept seeing Mike throughout the day, how he would have laughed and taken such joy in the day. It just isn't right that he's gone...
I held off till the end of the night to have my "ugly" cry...where I could be undone and let the mascara run. And I found myself in the midst of the question "How do I stand in the midst of people's beginnings when I'm in a season of end?"
I held off till the end of the night to have my "ugly" cry...where I could be undone and let the mascara run. And I found myself in the midst of the question "How do I stand in the midst of people's beginnings when I'm in a season of end?"
8 comments:
You're in my prayers, Kelly.
Oh, Kelly. My heart aches for you. God brings you to my mind often and many prayers have been said on your behalf.
Beautifull written and what a question. I have no answers, but you have my prayers.
still praying for you, Blue. Thanks for sharing your heart.
hugs friend.
It isn't fair. Death is not fair. My mascara runs with you.
We're standing with you Kelly. And when you can't stand anymore, we'll hold you up. love you dear.
what a heart wrenching question... i wondered that same thing myself many times almost 5 years ago.... thinking of you as time creeps and speeds. we miss... we long for a different day...
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