through my lens...

a lot has happened and not happened since i left calvin college this past may...

* we moved into our first home...daily i am grateful for this space, for the blessing to own a home, to have a kitchen that can fit more than 3 people, for the number of family and friends we've been able to feast and rest with here.

* i've rested. three years as a resident director challenged me, filled me, but also required a lot of me. relationships and my own well-being at times has suffered. so i'm resting, reconnecting with people, reading books, and dreamin of where/who God is calling me to be...

* i've been pursuing jobs. since graduating from taylor university (10 year reunion next fall...wow!) i've worked in higher education. mentoring, training, discipling, serving college students. it's what i know and love. so when my time as an RD needed to end I still desired to work with college students. i applied for a few positions at colleges. and for the first time i didn't get the jobs. i admit i've been "spoiled" in having career opportunities fall into place. and i can't say that i was crushed when i didn't get the jobs. it's just this journey of finding your place, your vocation stirs up questions, doubts about your identity. i am thankful to be stretched. i've had to surrender agendas, control, expectations. and i have to wait, trust, and dream. i continue to pursue some jobs openings but i'm also draw to pursue some other dreams.

* dream one...start up a private counseling practice. at first i was hesitant. not sure if i felt ready, competent, or passionate about it. but things have been stirred in me, people have encouraged and inspired me (thanks for carissa, jen, kristin, kelly, and my husband for speaking into my wonder and desires...)

* dream two...photography. the ache to create and capture with my camera moments still resides in me. this summer i had the blessing of shooting 6 weddings. i've done a few portrait shoots this fall. i'm taking a photography workshop at the end of this month. i spend hours reading and researching this art (and business) of photography. i can't deny that i love it. but again my drive to be perfect at it creates a wall.

* dream three...be. i want to be present to my husband and pour into our marriage. i want to invest more into my relationships with my family and friends. i want to be committed to a community, where we serve and pray and love well. i want to be open to the moments...to be aware of the needs of others. to see where i can celebrate and grieve with others. i want to care well for myself. heal where i have neglected. maybe even a little pampering...i want to dream of starting a family. i want to be.