laboring...

well summer has finally hit us...i won't complain about the hot steamy temps, especially after our long winter.

thank you for everyone's support, encouragement and celebration about my new job...i'm in my third week and feel very affirmed that this will be a great experience. everyone at ada has been very welcoming and helpful as i transition in. some of the exciting projects i'm working on are helping develop a marriage mentoring and individual mentoring program. perhaps the biggest challenge is adjusting to working full-time again. but the piles of laundry and my overgrown lawn can wait! i welcome the fullness of my days...

i've been thinking about laboring these past few days...it's almost been nine months since mike left us. and in an interesting contrast to my loss my dear friends curt and kristin have been expecting their third baby these past nine months.

death and life mingled.

they welcomed their son, levi this week. he's tiny, beautiful, perfectly designed. my heart is filled with joy for them!



i feel like i'm going through my own labor...but i don't feel fully formed yet. but every day i do feel a piece of me is healed, put back together, or rediscovered. and every day there's a moment where i am lonely, i ache for mike.

the other day i was shopping for "work" clothes and found myself in the men's section eyeing some sweaters and shirts that i thought would look great on mike. i loved shopping for him. but as i stood there i thought i have no reason to admire these clothes. i felt silly crying over a men's sweater in the Gap...

but grief doesn't make sense, it's messy and clumsy. these are my labor pains.

doing the hokey pokey...

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

a new beginning...

I've said this before that losing Mike has also been a loss of life direction and anticipations...Everything I knew to be true seemed to be deconstructed and I've had to reconstruct my life these past months. Part of that has been listening to where my next calling is for my vocation...

For the past two years I've been building up my photography business, a "creative sabbatical" from my years of serving as a counselor and working in higher education. Before Mike's death I felt a desire to return to a career that would allow me to counsel again, be a part of building community. That desire has increased even more so this past year. The love my community has graced me with has been essential in my survival, my healing. And as I have been broken my heart for others has increased...wanting to walk alongside others who are also hurting.

Praying and hoping for a new career opportunity was difficult, messy, scary, but also affirming. I wanted to ask God to grant me a "break", to give me something to help me find life and purpose again. But I also was too fearful to hope for something good...

But I know a God who hears even our unspoken desires and prayers and in His grace blesses us with more than we can imagine...

So today I accepted a position at Ada Bible Church serving as the Care and Marriage Coordinator. This opportunity will be helping with various programs to help strengthen and heal marriages, a marriage mentoring program, assisting with womens and singles ministries...and I imagine a lot more! I am excited and thankful for this opportunity...To use my life story and my career experience to speak into this community, to advocate for strong marriages and healing of people's unique brokenness.

I will continue to find a place to pursue photography...I love the creative outlet and will continue to do it on the side.

With each new beginning there's always a layer of my grief mingled in...Mike's not here to celebrate with me, to support me. All of these new life choices are mine alone to make.

But I have felt the support and celebration of so many...so thanks to all of you have come alongside during this new beginning!